No, it's probably the titles.

[squeequeg]

Something frivolous to distract you from the election: I require title advice!

I've got a goofy-ass steampunk-clockwork-Victoriana-dirigible short story that I'm really happy with. I'm currently in the last stages of revising it before I send it out. However, I've discovered that the title I chose on a whim -- "Escapement" -- is the same as the title of a Jay Lake novel that came out earlier this year. I haven't read this book, although I probably ought to, and I'm a little worried that my story will come off as an attempt to ride its coattails.

Should I change the title? I'm not particularly attached to it, although it did sound cool and had some nice resonances within the story. And the Lake novel is well-known (and critically acclaimed) enough that I don't want this light, silly story to stand in its shadow. (To give you an idea of just how serious the story is, the original working title was "Serpents upon a Dirigible.")

I'm a little torn. I love this story, and I want it to have a good chance out there in the big scary world. Any advice?

And now I'm going back to refreshing fivethirtyeight.com every ten minutes and gnawing my nails.

Comments

[magdalene1.livejournal.com]

Please to be posting or emailing a representative paragraph or 2 and I will see if anything springs to mind.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Hmm...well...

From the unrevised version:
We discovered the serpent's corpse just before reaching the first gun emplacement, ten thousand feet higher than we should have been and at least a day out of our chosen path. The captain grumbled, but after the mate had a word in her ear, she agreed to let us send up a dinghy.

The serpent had crashed halfway up one of the snowcapped peaks that made all nearby terrain but the Sterling Pass impassable, and had only been revealed by the spring thaw. "Thaw, my aunt's drawers," Colonel Dieterich muttered as we disembarked from the gently bobbing jolly-boat. "It's cold enough to freeze a thaumaturge's tits off."

---

and, later:

"Good God, Lundqvist, what happened? Are you quite done molesting my batman?"

---

Not sure if those are quite representative, but I like 'em.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

*looks up ophicleide*

Ooooo...tempting. That may have to wait for the Mean Temperament That Ate The Planet story.

[ffoeg.livejournal.com]

Escapement is also the title of book three of K. J. Parker's Engineer trilogy. It's also the title of my aborted NanoWrimo book from last year. I thought it was the perfect title then had an enormous tantrum when I found out that Parker had beaten me to it.

I say you take it if you want it.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Hm. I think I may fiddle about with it a bit more. There are probably better clockwork terms that I can steal.

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Huh. I actually like Serpents on a Dirigible better as a title.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's got more of a punch to it. Although the story does lack a Samuel L. Jackson character. Maybe I should remedy that.

[2h2o.livejournal.com]

Could you modify it a little? The Escapement of Professora Lvndqvist, e.g.? Or Ejectment?

[magdalene1.livejournal.com]

Or, if we're going steampunk, embrace the long title:

"The Escapement of Professora Lvndqvist, or, Serpents on a Dirigible"

[osirusbrisbane.livejournal.com]

Or go the subtitle rounte, "Serpents on a Dirigible: The Escapement of Professora Lvndqvist"

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

For a moment I read "subtitle" as "subtle" and was about to deny that there was anything subtle about this at all.

[osirusbrisbane.livejournal.com]

It was subtle; I didn't say "Professora MF Lvndqvist".

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Ooo...tempting.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Technically it's not hers...but I could work with that.

[scottahill.livejournal.com]

You will certainly get more readers with the title "Serpents on a Dirigible" than with "Escapement." Of course, maybe you changed the title because you wrote out the serpents?

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

No, no, they're still there. Although they're technically not on the dirigible...maybe I'll adjust that.

[enggirl.livejournal.com]

How about you go all-out with "MF Serpents on a MF Dirigible"? It might just attract those particular steampunk/Samuel L. Jackson fans that have been clamoring for more!

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

MFYES.

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Serpent Gears

Gearteeth (no, that's for a more horror-themed one in the same world)

Last Horizon (shangri-la reference?)

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Oo. A serpent in the gears, maybe?

[sal-sal.livejournal.com]

Dirigibilious
Dirigibillion
Digimon (May be taken?)
A Clockwork Dirigible

[sal-sal.livejournal.com]

I AM HLEPING

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

You are so full of HLEP.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

Digimon. Yes. That's right. I'll use that one. Right after I STICK MY HEAD IN A BLENDER

[osirusbrisbane.livejournal.com]

"Snakes on a Dirigible, or I Stick my Head in a Blender"

[jenwrites.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you should change it. I'm not sure to what, because I suck with titles, but you should change it, because your audience and Jay's audience are too similar.

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

I'll fuss with it a bit as I work out the story itself -- the more I think about it, the more I think I can get a title that hints at the contents better.