Why do you hate me, iTunes?

[squeequeg]

If nothing else, this should cure me of leaving my entire library, strange sound clips and all, on random shuffle.

Question: What do you think of me, ITunes?
"Back into Hell," Meat Loaf.
Ah. Thanks, iTunes. I think I prefer the hell interpretation over the loaf interpretation.

Question: Will I have a happy life?
"Always (Gramaphone Record)," Alloy Orchestra (from Lonesome).
Well, that's better.

Question: What do my friends really think of me?
"Wuss," by King Missile.
I'm not really in a position to argue that. They haven't beaten me up recently, though.

Question: Do people secretly lust after me?
"Kitten Intro," by They Might Be Giants.
You know, I never expected any answer to this question to involve the line "cleaner, but with a unique smell."

Question: What should I do with my life?
"Factory," Alloy Orchestra (also from Lonesome).
So it's back to the cabinet shop, is it? Never, do you hear me? Never!

Question: Why must life be so full of pain?
"Crucify," Tori Amos.
Wow, iTunes, you're really making this interpretation thing difficult.

Question: How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"Fionnghuala," The Bothy Band.
Ah...um, heh...considering that this song is an example of "mouth music"...uh...subtlety isn't your strong point, is it, iTunes?

Question: Will I ever have children?
Sound clip from Invader ZIM of ZIM yelling "GIR! GIR! Unleash the monkey!"
I'm not even gonna comment on this.

Question: Will I die happy?
"Hamsterdance."
I hate my life.

Question: Can you give me some advice?
"Chiraa-Xoor," Huun Huur Tu.
Apparently I need to spend more time on horseback. Got no problem with that.

Question: What do you think happiness is?
"Cloud Age Symphony," from Last Exile.
Whatever happiness is, it's mostly in Japanese.

Question: What's my favorite fetish?
"Rock Lobster," The B-52s.
Okay, how do you threaten a computer program? I think iTunes needs to be smacked around a bit.

Question: Am I a complete freak?
"Control," Poe.
Then again, maybe it knows me too well.