Ia! Ia Pumpkin! Ia Sincere Pumpkin Patch!

You must know, Doctor, that I did not choose to seek psychiatric help. I have no faith that I shall exit this room a healed man; I know now that I have been destined for the asylum since childhood. No mere conversation with you can steer me clear of that fate. That said, let us proceed with this court-compelled farce before my mad prattle provokes your crabbiness further . . . I committed everything I knew to memory, burned all my papers, and embroidered my most unfathomable and precious secrets in near-invisible thread on my security blanket, which as you can see, I carry still.

From "The Great Old Pumpkin" by John Aegard, currently on Strange Horizons. Lovecraft meets...well, if it's not clear from the excerpt and title, you'll have to read it to find out.